[reverie - ic inbox.]

[peacetalks]

"Pray speak your piece, and I shall return it anon."

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[finalsteps]

I wish I were at your side. It ails me so.

[peacetalks]

I know.... oh, my love, I must be worrying you terribly. 'Tis not nearly as dark as I made it sound just now.

[lets out a wet-sounding chuckle]

Megumi and Moon have kept me company and soothed me at my worst. Minato has kept me well-drunk and well-fed. Halone bless them, that they should struggle with their own creatures, and still tend to me. Pray tell me the situation at Bugbear.

[finalsteps]

I am worried, as I had failed to contain the beast within in your presence. I hurt you.

[ His poor boyfriend, he wishes he could go sit at his door. ]

Everyone here seems to be in an okay state of mind, I sat with Roy for a very short time.

[ Before he felt Nidhogg clawing at him again ]

[peacetalks]

Roy has a way with comfort. Seek him out lest you become too lonely. I am certain 'twill be good for him, as well.

The only pain I feel now is the longing to be at your side, Estinien.

[finalsteps]

I could come to sit outside the door to your room?

[peacetalks]

[gently chiding]

You're not my hound. I've not left you out in the cold with only scraps to eat.

... it would be dangerous to let Nidhogg and Hraesvelgr in one another's presence again, when we are still struggling with them.

[finalsteps]

'Tis dangerous times we live in, beloved.

[ he just aches to be at aymeric's side... ]

For short periods, could we handle it?

[peacetalks]

[softly, with yearning in his voice]

I do not know if I could control myself. If we give them an opportunity to strengthen their claim on us, we may endanger ourselves yet again.

[sighs sadly]

How is it that I spent so long placating myself while you were away, keeping my feelings for you under lock and key, and now I'm inconsolable without you at my side?

[finalsteps]

I know, beloved. I just do not wish to continue being away from you.

[ Moon and Megumi would keep the both of them at bay, but, he does not wish to task the two of them like this. ]

Long did I believe that I needed no one at my side, and now...I cannot imagine you far from it.

[peacetalks]

[with a soft inhale, clearly touched and a little choked up]

Estinien...

[he can't help but smile, so fond, and feels renewed hope spark in his heart]

We will persevere. The both of us. We have good people at our backs, trusted friends and allies who have supported us before and shall continue to do so in our time of need. Neither of us struggle alone. And though I cannot be by your side, my voice yet reaches you, and yours yet reaches me. We shall not succumb to rage nor sorrow, my love; we shall continue to forge ahead, in the name of love. There is hope for us both, I swear to you. And if you place your faith in me, I vow I shall do aught in my power to uphold it. What say you?

[finalsteps]

[ Estinien is not one to get so emotional, but, when it comes to Aymeric and the thin threads of their consciousness at the moment. He takes a deep breath. Audibly heavy through their devices. ]

I have always placed my faith in you, and I shall hold steadfast in that. I will not allow you to falter, as I know you will not allow me to falter.

[ Estinien pauses a moment. ]

I promise when this is over, I shall hold you tightly to me.

[peacetalks]

[aymeric feels it too, his heart surging with emotion]

And I shall do the same. I love you.

[finalsteps]

And I love you, beloved.

[ ... ]

I am selfish, let me hear your voice for a while longer.

[peacetalks]

[chuckles]

I do not mind your selfishness. I only fear I've little else of interest to speak on... shall I read to you from a book? Though you may find the contents rather dull.

[finalsteps]

Anything counts if I am hearing you. A book, a thought. I just want to hear you.

[ This is how Estinien is coping right now. ]

[peacetalks]

As you wish. I've been reading the writings on philosophy from other stars, and though the language sometimes befuddles me, the ideas within intrigue me.

[he shifts so he can pull up a book and open it to a page while still holding his phone. IT'S KIERKEGAARD TIME]

This one, for example, writes on the paradox of men whose faith in the gods--though they only ever write of one--is so absolute they would commit terrible things in their name. He uses a parable from their holy text about a man whose god commanded him to sacrifice his son, and though his heart was pained, so great was his faith that he obeyed. In the holy text, the man is lauded for his absolute faith and piety, but this philosopher posits that the man is instead a tragic figure, for he exists between duty and desire, and sacrifices desire for duty, yet desire still remains. A truly pious man would be one whose desire and duty are one and the same, yet even then, I wonder, is there not an element of tragedy that yet remains?

[3AM PHILOSOPHY HOUR, LET'S GO]

[finalsteps]

[ Did Estinien understand a word that Aymeric just said? Absolutely not. Does he pause to try and decipher it anyways? Absolutely. ]

This sounds akin almost to the old clergy of Ishgard, who upheld the secrets within the Vault, aye?

[ They committed terrible things and his terrible secrets in the name of Aymeric's father, in the name of Halone, probably. ]

The idea of it goes over my head, you will have to forgive me.

[peacetalks]

You're more than forgiven, my friend. Aye, you've the right of it, or at least I happen to think so. Many of the old clergy would not have balked at tales of bloody sacrifice, and would have claimed themselves pious people in turn. Yet so few would have asked themselves if the lives they led might not have been in true service to Halone.

... 'tis something I have been thinking on, of late. What terrible things men do in the name of faith.

[finalsteps]

Why does it bother you so as of late?

[peacetalks]

[softly]

Ratatoskr. I struggle to maintain my consciousness when she is around, but Hraesvelgr's love and regret for her lingers strongly. I imagine the same must be true for Nidhogg. And I cannot help but think how different everything would have been had man not betrayed her and stolen her eyes for their own. How Nidhogg and Hraesvelgr might have become, if they'd had her at their side.

[finalsteps]

[ … there is a palpable silence before he ultimately agrees. ]

We have time to fancy a “what if”, don’t we? Nidhogg may have come around further to the idea of man and dragon, Ratatoskr had him painfully close the trusting them before they took her life.

Nidhogg would not have despaired, and Hraesvelgr would not be full of every emotion you feel at the back of your throat.

Perhaps Ishgard would be in a better situation.

[peacetalks]

[makes a wordless, sympathetic sound]

Our lives now would be so different. Mayhaps you and I would never have met.

[finalsteps]

[ was that a sad sounding noise? yes. ]

Ratatoskr’s fate was unkind, my family suffered for a war that did not involve them, your father was near the root of Ishgard’s problems. But we have one another, aye?

[peacetalks]

[quietly, almost a murmur, full of longing]

Estinien...

So much of our lives would not have happened the way they did. You and I would be entirely different people, more than like. And yet... I cannot regret meeting you. I do not regret it. I do not regret coming to know you as I have, nor coming to love you.

[finalsteps]

When you say that it makes it difficult to stay away.

[ Even with Nidhogg and Hraesvelgr’s problems. ]

I know we must stay strong. I regret nothing about how we have come to be either. These possessions being able to grab us so easy, I hope it eases off after this task.

[ He can’t sleep a wink like this. ]